Years ago, in an attempt to prepare for parenting my stepdaughter, I learned in a parenting class that teenagers are self-focused and completely in the moment. Tonight I wish I was one.
My son came home yesterday and asked me to find out what was wrong with his friend Kyle—said he was in the hospital. I left a couple of cyber messages for other moms and a return message this morning asked me to call, it wasn’t something to write about. My hands shook while I dialed.
Kyle is the only child of a wonderful couple. He is the sunniest young man I’ve ever met, and one of the first friends Devin made when we moved back to my hometown eight years ago. Though as teens they’re very different people and don’t always hang out together, childhood friendships that grow up in a small town are forever. That’s how it is. Today Kyle has cancer.
From the moms I have the facts. Not embellished or stretched like everyday gossip, but given straight and with a sober and solid determination to stay positive. From the school counselor Devin has the same facts. Kyle has Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, which is a cancer with a high cure rate. Tests have come back showing the cancer is isolated in one spot, around his heart and one lung. Surgery to install a port. Chemo soon. Very treatable.
My younger son, Treyson, everyone’s Little Brother, says to Devin and I over PB & J’s before bed, “Are you scared about Kyle?”
Devin says, “Kyle will be fine.”
“Are you sure.”
“Yes,” spoken without hesitation or doubt, “Kyle’s strong.” Devin is self-focused and Kyle is his friend and his friend will be fine. Devin is in the moment and the moment is two days before summer vacation, spring football practice tomorrow and Prince of Persia at the movies on Friday night.
My first feeling was disappointment in what seemed a lack of depth in his reaction. Until he told me, “I sent a text to Kyle. His mom sent a text back and I told her I was praying.” What a blessing being a teenager is, if being self-focused means you know who you are, and living in the moment means giving things that are beyond you up to God with such confidence.
I’m not doing quite so well tonight. I suspect the other moms aren’t either. We flip hamburgers in the PTO concession stand with this couple, cheer next to them at football games, share photos with them on facebook. Our connection is these children we are raising together; Halloween costumes, field trips, birthday parties, first day of Kindergarten, last day of Jr. High. We never imagined surgery and chemotherapy on the list, but since it’s there, well…we have to do it together.
Only this is their child, and no matter how I ache for them, I can’t really help. I feel gratitude that my son is healthy. I feel panic, because maybe he won’t always be. It’s beyond me. And what I need to do is learn from my teenager and give it up to God.
